when i was a boy i could hear symphonies in seashells.

i just got done with school and now i wake up in the morning thinking about what i should be stressed out about. i just got done with one of my jobs and now i wake up in the morning thinking about what i should be doing that is of worth and value. i just realized all of my bestest friends don't live in portland, and i dread being with people all summer that make me feel stiff and phony. i just realized that i am terrified of being alone, and i think it's because i have forgotten how to enjoy solitude. i just realized that i have been going, going, gone all semester and i feel so tired. not just physically, but tired in my spirit. i keep on rubbing my eyes, waiting for an epiphany about how my summer is going to be one of adventures, or grace, or polish dogs at costco, or happy hour at applebee's . . . but try as i might, i can't conjure up a magical theme. my summer is one of blankness.
now, i suppose i could look at this two ways:
one, i could be super depressed and decide to invest in sleeping all the time and stalking people via myspace.
or two, i could look at this sumemr as an oppurtunity to become more comfortable with myself, with christ, and with myself and christ.
i'd really, really like to go with the latter.