sniper.
so one of my old best friends is getting married this weekend--shotgun style. i kind of hate to even think about it, really. i really loved this boy in high school. he was so down to earth and funny, and his new zealand accent fascinated me. i was there for him when he started hearing voices in his head, when his girlfriend left him for a 52 year old convicted felon, and when he joined the army in order to "shoot people in the head".
and now he is getting married.
i think the thing that scares me the most is the realization that lonliness causes people to act crazy. i remember two summers ago, when this boy and i went on a road trip to canada. we had some good times, some crazy times, but mostly we had awful times. he was trying to use me to fill the hollowness that was in his heart. and i wouldn't let him. we argued about war (i took a get-out-of-iraq stance just to piss him off), about directions (he wouldn't let me drive), and about his feelings for me (i refused to validate them).
he was, i remember thinking, the walking wounded.
he dropped me off after that fateful road trip and left without saying goodbye. i knew that he was going downtown in order to meet up with two different girls, to see if they "would work out". i guess every guy in the army needs a picture to hold at night.
one of the girls did work out.
he is marrying her on saturday.
they will be living apart for at least 3 months, and then he might be going to ranger school.
i heard about the marriage from my dad, who is performing the ceromony.
my old friend keeps calling my phone and i can't bring myself to answer.
i don't know what he is going to say.
and i can't trust myself to open my mouth.
3 comments:
Answer the phone. It may be the last chance. Call him. Yes akward, uncomfortable, depressing,it will make you fidget, hyperventilate and maybe start the eye twitch, but that is for you, he may need it. Say hi ( and maybe goodbye) while its an option, once he is married the chance has passed, and i think perhaps you may regret it, And you only know what YOU think he is going to say, it may be somthing you never expected.
There is an ear full of advice, you probably already have swimming in your head, a bit more to add to the confusion.
-counseling from campsherman
wow, there are more people than me who read your blog. congrats.
i liked this one. and yes, you should answer the phone.
This one is brilliant, love. I could read your writing all day. And I shouldn't, but I just might do that.
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