the restless summer.

i am sitting at my garage sale right now. there is not a soul to be seen. it's been like this all morning. it's so hot and muggy i feel slightly insane right now. i was up until 2 in the morning dancing at a club last night. who am i? i had so much fun, it was ridiculous. the summer is halfway over, and i have yet to have any answers. who knew that this would be the restless summer, the summer of not being able to escape yourself? i'm grateful for the growth, or at least i know that i will be at some point in the future. christ is so patient. i can't journal anymore. all i can write down are people that i want to pray for. i guess that's the only thing to do when you love so many people who are so far away both in body and spirit.
i don't blog much anymore because it doesn't seem like this one is quite as mysterious as it used to be.
ah, well.

the pirate summer

today when i woke up the sky was gray and the air felt like we were all at sea, humid and full and slighty cold. it was still and peaceful and it felt different. i felt like i had woken up in homer alaska, that i was back in my most favorite summer. it took me a minute or two to realize that no, that was three years ago and i am here in clackamas, halfway through a confusing and hard summer. i'm cheerful these days, but i miss everything.
i miss my alaska summer.
i miss traveling with my older sister.
i miss croatian bathrooms and coffee and pastries and streets.
i miss going on adventures with krispin.
i miss sacramento, anchorage, mexico, wyoming, auburn, sisters, montana, india, los angelas, croatia.
how does one not live in the past yet let it help shape the future?
seriously. all i want to do right now is drink coffee and look at old photo albums, remembering the grand adventures of the strannigan family. i want to remember, and i want to be assured of the future--that we will continue on in our haphazard life, never fully becoming comfortable where we are.

me and candyce decided last week that this is officially the pirate summer.