a bit of silliness, really.

and the world keeps turnin' round and round

well, it has been over two months since i've blogged, and there are many reasons for that:
1. this blog is no longer mysterious
2. i haven't had a lot of free time available
3. i haven't felt emotionally isolated in a long time.

so, that's that.
and then i woke up today in a large, nicely furnished house in the suburbs, cold and all alone. the air is thick with moisture, and makes you feel groggy when you wake up. it reminds me of being on family vacations in seattle when i was a kid. the fog of the northwest was amazing to me, something special to look forward to. now, it just makes me feel wistful, and reminds me when i had long blonde braids and i was so utterly self-confident in who i was. i knew that i was a child of god, just like i knew that there was nothing better then reading a good story or sitting quietly and getting lost in the conversation of the adults.

august is here, with school bills and pressing deadlines (oh man, i am getting married, which requires a wedding to take place).

the summer went by like juneandjuly, all close together and seamless, one day after the next. busy, rewarding, strangely relaxing. last summer was the pirate summer, me and my younger sister at war with ourselves and the comfortableness of clackamas. this summer is the mayfield summer, where i learned that when you love somebody, you get a whole second family in the bargain. i told krispin yesterday that i felt like i had grown leaps and bounds. i used to be that little braided blonde girl, so content to be alone, happy and undisturbed. and then i met krispin, and my world expanded into the 30 plus mayfield relatives and the whole town of roseburg, and i realized that i am not alone any more. its highly uncomfortable, but worth every awkward encounter.

today part of me wishes that i was eleven again, and that i really had woken up at my cousins house in seattle, where i would drink orange juice, go wherever my family went, and be content to stare out the window, listening to my sisters chatter. but i know that i here now, and i will be heading downtown soon, ready to engage and keep my eyes wide open. i have had to learn to that the world is so much bigger than myself.