fear is the heart of love
my problems are so . . . how do i say this? um, first world. and by that i mean they mainly revolve around things like social anxiety and loneliness and the fact that i can' afford an ipod because i refuse to go into debt.
man, i annoy myself everytime i stop to think about the fact that i am not crazily happy. but i'm not and that's the truth of it, folks.
i have been more emotional than usual lately (i kind of remind myself of that lady from tbn . . . the one with the purple hair who cries about the children . . . i am well-intentioned but misguided). it's rather exhausting.
and then i will be doing something mundane, like changing the garbage bag liners at starbucks, and i will have a thought that makes everything feel better, like the one i had this afternoon:
"well, i guess the fall (of genesis origin) is partly to blame for my messed-up thinking".
i know it's crazy, but man that made me feel better.
i think a lot of the reason that i want to live overseas so badly is because i think i will have more justification for being unhappy.
i think this is faulty reasoning.
i think that no matter where i am at, i am never going to be truly happy.
i am always, always going to be homesick. until christ leads me home.
this thought also makes me feel happy.
also a random thought i had today:
"christ is the only one who loves me like i want to be loved"
it was nine o clock in the morning and i was staring at my face in the mirror.
and i immediatly started crying.
3 comments:
Hey Sport. Just checkin' in to see if the kid's alright. Sorry you're a ticking time bomb of emotions right now. Been there... many times. The trick is to get past the moment and the next and then suddenly find yourself adjusted to circumstance. What's helped me in times of loneliness, sadness, despair, is to focus on the Grace of God. Blessings - yes, but Grace is something else. It's eternal for the Believer. It surpasses and relinquishes the power of guilt in one's life. Guilt should be a spark that generates repentance that is found in grace. Bask in Grace and abandon guilt. (Alright, time for the alter call and final hymn and then we can catch the big game at noon.)
Laters.
thanks, pappy.
funny....I have been thinking a lot about fear lately.
that song makes me sad cause I do believe fear is the heart of love.
awe power raw surreal understanding that only in our weakness are we made strong.
I have a friend or two that fear Fearing God...surrendering.
it seems that is a common trend these days
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