trying too hard

first part of blog: how i feel (physically)
i never get sick but here i am now and there is nothing to do about it. i woke up this morning and there was snot in the back of my hair. i was pretty grossed out. also, it feels like there are a couple of cars parked behind my eyes. it hurts very much.

second part of blog: how i feel (emotionally)
something i don't understand is this:
just because i tell people that i am i the intercultural studies program and want to be a missionary, they assume that i can't like anybody who doesn't have those same career/life goals in mind. who else thinks like this? if i wanted to be a dentist, people wouldn't limit me in my relationships to only those people who wanted to work in the oral care business. right? i mean, am i right?
sometimes i feel like telling everybody that i really don't know what i want to do with my life. isn't that the point of being 21? today, i want to live in ukraine for a good fifteen years and become a widly popular university professor. yesterday, i was all set to work with african refugees in portland the rest of my life and wear old fuzzy brown sweaters and socks with sandals. tomorrow, (i can already tell), i am going to want to be living in serbia, working with house churches and writing the next great coming of age novel.

third part of blog: the meat of the story

i fall in love everyday.
sometimes i worry that it is never going to happen for reals.