please come shine on me

some developments. recent ones.

school ended without much fanfare and with the usual melancholy feeling in the pit of my stomach. i turned in papers in which i didn't fully digest anything and yet will still get an A. i took some finals, and for the first time discovered what it is like to look at a page full of questions and not know an answer to any of them (Revelation and Botany). i talked to people in both the student ministries department and financial aid, and was reduced to tears by the end of it all.

i was angry, exhausted, disappointed, and yet relieved. it was over. and luckily i know that i am always taken care of in the long run.

so yesterday i celebrated the end of everything. my co-workers have long complained that i am never around to hang out with, which is quite true. i haven't been anywhere but everywhere for the past several months, and my spirit has suffered for it. i feel an emptiness at the thought of hours to myself, of free time not consumed with work--good strong work, that makes me feel as if i am doing something worthwhile. it always takes me awhile to transition back into stillness with christ. right now i still feel slightly anxious. but we have been reading exodus together, just for fun, at night when it is still warm enough for me to leave the window open right by my bed. and he is there. in my room, in the book of exodus, in my life.

hanging out with co-workers was frightening for me and my social anxiety, but i got through. one vodka tonic, one order of potato pancakes, 5 formerly work acquaintances only, and one amazing haircut later, i realized that summer truly is an organic thing. you wait around long enough, and you make things happen. i look forward to seeing what is going to happen.

my love is not leaving for china, there are kittens to be rescued from garage sales, there are possessions to be gotten rid of, there are days to sleep in past 9, there are cut-offs to be made, there are people to pour into, people to question and challenge and hear and love.

also, there are folk bands to be formed.