a moment of silence

these are times of extremes, times of remorse and ruination. let me explain.

i destroyed gladys, my faithful car. she was named after the wonderful, life-giving missionary in china who rescuded thousands of orphans from the hands of japanese soldiers. like her namesake, gladys the car was frugal and plain to look at, with an engine of gold. i loved that car. two of my friends got into accidents in that car, and i myself got in one. i loved not worrying about it; gladys was ugly to begin with, and nothing could destroy her.
nothing, i guess, but me.
i forgot to put oil in her. i wish i was kidding, but i thought the orange flashing sign meant that i should go to jiffy lube soon to get oil. a simple mistake killed the one car who treated me right.
last night me and krispin felt gladys a shutterin' and a shakin' on the I-84. i prayed over her, but gladys only made it to the foster road exit. she died right outside the new copper penny at 11:03 on a wednesday night. it was the first time i ever had to call my dad in the middle of the night to come pick me up, and he was gracious as usual. i was extremely grateful for krispin and his being male, because no girl ever wants to be stranded on foster and 82 at night.
today, i realized what life is like without a car: stressful. i drove my mom to work, took krispin back to school, met with my professor to make sure i wasn't failing my ethics class, got some coffee to calm my nerves, and drove to gladys to meet the tow truck driver.
he was very nice, with shorts and white socks and black tennis shoes. he had on a large oversized shirt that said "Sith happens", complete with a picture of the dark lord.
i followed him to the auto shop, paid up, and went to pick up my dad at his office. on the way, the shop called me and told me that gladys was gone for good.
i walked into my dad's office feeling like i was 16 years old, and as soon as i saw him i burst into tears. i sobbed out my story and he reacted as he always does when confronted with one of the extremely emotional strannigan women: he took me out to lunch and we discussed my new plan of action. i forget that my dad never, ever gets mad in situations like these. and it always reminds me of how poorly i understand grace.
krispin commondered a car and came out to clackamas for moral support. and we proceeded to have the best afternoon. i took care of everything with the auto shop and got my car ready to be taken by the wrecking company. we ripped up the dashboard, which was fun, and then went back to my house for 3 episodes of the office, tacos, and sitting in my room in the friscallating dusklight.

i feel strangely taken care of. i don't know why it feels so strange. maybe i am just realizing after all how not in control of my life i am. it feels good.
well, pretty good. i still am poor as it is possible to be in my demographic.