the antithesis of the american dream
i know it's bad form to post this many blogs so close together but hang the etiquette, i feel a rant forming within me.
i had my 3rd somali bantu homework club today and it was awful. there were like 50 kids running around like banshees . . . and supposedly i am in charge. i hate being put in positions like this. if i had my way, i would sit on a porch and fan myself lazily while i laughed with the fellow women folk as we weaved straw baskets together. or talked theology. or something like that.
instead, i have to become bad cop danielle . . . and i hate it. all the kids who actually want to do their homework and who are good and quiet and who get all the one on one attention are the kids who come from relatively good families. the kids i love are the brats, the scallywags, the incorrigibles, the hellions. they are the kids who are beaten with sticks at home, who are screamed at constantly, and who are generally expected to fail in every aspect of life. these are the kids i want to smother in love, to hold and protect and cherish. but i can't. they are the disruptive ones and i have to send them out into the cold. they stand at the glass doors and shiver and look at me with disbelieving eyes. how do you love someone who has had so little of it in their lives?
these are refugees. these are children of refugees. they are scared, angry, spiteful, disrespectful, and abusive. they are lonely, loving, warm, amusing, and hopeful in spite of it all. most of all, they are all homesick as hell.
i love these kids so much that i physically feel ill right now. i hold it all in my shoulders.
but it shouldn't be on my shoulders, and i know that. how to i give it to christ? this is where i need help.
i never wanted to do this. i just wanted to be like christ, and this is the path it has taken. i think it will get better. honestly, it has to.
please disregard everything you just read.
actually, could you do me a favor and pray for me? don't say you will unless you will actually do it. i don't like liars.
7 comments:
I won't say I will pray for you... I do pray for you already. Some days are pretty tough, but then the Son shines through it all. Next week will be better.
In my theology class we have actually been talking about this quite a bit, that the Gospel lived out is the antithesis of the so-called American dream. Our conclusion is that the gospel is a call join Christ in his suffering. Its a strange and difficult calling, but theres joy in it. I don't get it most days. So, I prayed for you, will pray for you. Also, I get that physical burden in my shoulders too, it freaks me out. 68.19
i'll totally pray for you. every ounce of love you give them matters. it's what they remember about you. it's why we were created. the only thing that matters is love. and God is love. love love love. it's all. that's all. i'll pray for you and the whole world. you are taking steps so many people are afraid to take. i love you.
who posts a comment and then deletes it? i feel cheated.
ha, i noticed that too. somebody probably posted something really embaracing or inappropriate, and now he or she has to face the "comment deleted". If I were that person, I would be so ashamed. Thanks for calling me one of your favorites. I favor you too.
Yeah, about that. The deleted comment was mine. I can't stand when I make a typo, so I just had to fix it. I'm a nerd like that.
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